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Funny Dictionary excerpts:
Dead, adj.: Terminally inconvenienced.
Death, n. : To stop sinning suddenly.
Funeral, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears. Ambrose Bierce
Immortality: a toy which people cry for, and on their knees apply for, dispute, contend and lie for, and if allowed would be right proud eternally to die for. Ambrose Bierce
Life: 1) a sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate. 2) For Christians: a test before they are allowed to proceed to hell - for Buddhists and Hindus: the time between deaths. 3) Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. John Lennon 4) Anything that dies when you stomp on it. Dave Barry 5) The confusing period between the confusion of birth and the confusion of death. Rudyh 6) A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. Ambrose Bierce 7) Nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. Bertrand Russell
Youth: the best time to be rich, and the best time to be poor. Euripides
I don't mind dying... as long as I don't have to be there when it happens.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
Ageing isn't that bad if you consider the alternatives.
Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing.
People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last forever.
Eternity is not something that happens after you are dead. It's going on all the time. We're in it now.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Do not seek death.
Death will find you.
But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.
The easy path of aging is to become a thick-skinned, unbudging curmudgeon, a battle-ax.
To grow soft and sweet is the harder way.
You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake.
If you worry, you die.
If you don't worry, you also die.
So why worry?
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Sir Norman Wisdom
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