I have a mind like a steel trap. Stuff gets in there and WHAM! it never gets
back out again.
Bill Austin
If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.
Yogi Berra
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
Erma Bombeck
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering
from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're
okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already!
Tommy Cooper
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy.
I told him, 'If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion.'
He said, 'Alright.... you're ugly too!'
Rodney Dangerfield
The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
Dizzy Dean
The world is so dreadfully managed, one hardly knows to whom to complain.
Ronald Firbank
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
Redd Foxx
The less we know, the longer the explanation.
B.G.
I can give you a definite perhaps.
Samuel Goldwyn
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
Ursula K. LeGuin
Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
Lisa Hoffman
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Carl Gustav Jung
Man can always be relied upon to exert, with vigour, his ... right to be
stupid
Dean Koontz
The world is divided into people who do things--and people who get the credit.
Dwight Morrow
Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do
until you can get silly again.
Mike Myers
If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that
you won't have to work.
Ogden Nash
I only drink to make other people seem interesting.
George Jean Nathan
Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.
John Peers
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
But not in that order.
Brian Pickrell
Rudyh |
Excited about human rights? I like their lefts just as well.
Yes, you have the right to be stupid.
But at least use your left wisely. |
Mark Twain |
Buy land. They've stopped making it.
In the first place God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he
made school boards.
Noise proves nothing - often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles
as if she had laid an asteroid.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success
is sure.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. |
Unknown |
No one is listening until you fart.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. |
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is
that it has never tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson
We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.
Colonel Gerald Wellman
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Henny Youngman
|
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has
a longer shelf life.
I never set out to be weird. It was always the other people who called
me weird. |
