My favorite motto:
Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their
earthly pedestals.
Agnes Repplier
The gods too are fond of a joke.
Aristotle
No longer possessed by possessions, we may become open enough
to become possessed by God.
David Adam
I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately,
it's the government.
Woody Allen
I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do
to their fellows.
Susan B. Anthony
If I were not an atheist, I would believe in a God who would choose to save
people on the basis of the totality of their lives and not the pattern of
their words. I think he would prefer an honest and righteous atheist to a
TV preacher whose every word is God, God, God, and whose every deed is foul,
foul, foul.
Isaac Asimov
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world,
the master calls a butterfly.
Richard Bach
If the concept of God has any validity or any use, it can only be to make
us larger, freer, and more loving.
If God cannot do this, then it is time we got rid of Him.
James Baldwin
I'd rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that
there isn't, than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to
find out there is.
Peter Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want
you to share yours with them.
Dave Barry
Only barbarians are not curious about where they come from, how they came
to be where they are, where they appear to be going, whether they wish to
go there, and if so, why, and if not, why not.
Isaiah Berlin
God made so many different kinds of people. Why would he allow only one way
to serve him?
Martin Buber
Goodwill towards all is true religion.
From the Buddhacarita
The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped
anything but himself.
Richard Francis Burton
Samuel Butler |
An apology for the Devil: It must be remembered that we have only
heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.
The Bible may be the truth but it's not the whole truth and nothing
but the truth. |
I have never resisted the lord in my life, and I never will. But I'm not
so hungry for dialogue with him that I have to make up his part as well as
my own.
Orson Scott Card
G.K. Chesterton |
Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair.
If there were no God, there would be no Atheists.
The reformer is always right about what is wrong. He is generally wrong about what is right. |
Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything
but live for it.
C.C. Colton
The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men are quite
capable of every wickedness.
Joseph Conrad
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman
in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics
or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Quentin Crisp
H.H. the Dalai Lama |
Religion is like going out to dinner with friends. Everyone may order
something different, but everyone can still sit at the same table.
This is my simple religion:
There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy.
Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. |
Mankind have banned the Divinity from their presence; they have relegated
him to a sanctuary; the walls of the temple restrict his view; he does not
exist outside of it.
Diderot
An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: "If I did not know
about God and sin, would I go to hell?" "No," said the priest,
"not if you did not know." "Then why," asked the Inuit
earnestly, "did you tell me?"
Annie Dillard
On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah
taking 40 days to find a place to park.
Curtis McDougall
How can the Church be received as a trustworthy guide in the invisible, which
falls into so many errors in the visible?
John W. Draper
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
Doris Egan
 |
Albert Einstein |
Scientists were rated as great heretics by the church, but they were
truly religious men because of their faith in the orderliness of the universe.
A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education,
and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be
in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope
of reward after death.
The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain
it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through
the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through
striving after rational knowledge.
True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all
one's goodness and righteousness.
Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic
religion for the future: it transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas
and theology; it covers both the natural & spiritual, and it is
based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things,
natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity.
|
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
The religion that is afraid of science dishonors God and commits
suicide.
Religion is to do right. It is to love, it is to serve, it is to think,
it is to be humble. |
I adopted the theory of reincarnation when I was twenty-six. Religion offered
nothing to the point. Even work could not give me complete satisfaction. Work
is futile if we cannot utilize the experience we collect in one life in the
next. When I discovered reincarnation . . . time was no longer limited. I
was no longer a slave to the hands of the clock. . . . I would like to communicate
to others the calmness that the long view of life gives to us.
Henry Ford
What is to give light must endure burning.
Viktor Frankl
How many observe Christ's birthday! How few his precepts!
O! 'tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.
Benjamin Franklin
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
John Kenneth Galbraith
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with
sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Galileo Galilei
Mohandas K. Gandhi |
Hate the sin and love the sinner.
It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends.
But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence
of true religion.
The other is mere business.
Silence is a great help to a seeker after truth. In the attitude
of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light and what is
elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our
life is a long and arduous quest after Truth, and the
soul requires inward restfulness to attain its full height.
|
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Andre Gide
I find it puzzling that those who describe Evolution as "Just A Theory" propose Creationism as an alternative even though it is "Just a Superstition".
Gnossos
God is dead. -- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -- God
If it were proven that there is no God there would be no religion. ...But
also if it were proven that there is a God, there would be no religion.
Ursula K. Le Guin
Most men's anger about religion is as if two men should quarrel for a lady
they neither of them care for.
Edward F. Halifax
Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and
you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy
thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.
Butch Hancock
The biblical account of Noah's Ark and the Flood is perhaps the most implausible
story for fundamentalists to defend. Where, for example, while loading his
ark, did Noah find penguins and polar bears in Palestine?
Judith Hayes
Robert A. Heinlein |
I've never understood how God could expect His creatures to pick
the one true religion by faith—it strikes me as a sloppy way to run
a universe.
Sin lies only in hurting others unnecessarily.
All other 'sins' are
invented nonsense.
A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets
you into Heaven. An equally long life of decent living and good works
followed by one outburst of taking the name of the Lord in vain - then
have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that
the system?
|
The nearer to the church, the further from God.
John Heywood
All ... religions show the same disparity between belief and practice, and
each is safe till it tries to exclude the rest. Test each sect by its best
or its worst as you will, by its high-water mark of virtue or its low-water
mark of vice. But falsehood begins when you measure the ebb of any other religion
against the flood-tide of your own. There is a noble and a base side to every
history.
Thomas Wentworth Higginson
Fear of things invisible is the natural seed of that which everyone in himself
calleth religion.
Thomas Hobbes
Some things have to be believed to be seen.
Ralph Hodgson
Those of little faith are of little hatred.
Eric Hoffer
Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy
only ridiculous.
David Hume
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
Aldous Huxley
The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that
we must put up with a good deal of rubbish.
Robert Jackson
Practicing empathy and equanimity will always produce positive results, whereas
evangelism, even on a small scale, serves only to isolate us from others.
Thubten Jampa
Thomas Jefferson |
Shake off all the fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds
are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her
tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even
the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve
of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.
I never told my own religion nor scrutinized that of another. I never
attempted to make a convert, nor wished to change another's creed. I
am satisfied that yours must be an excellent religion to have produced
a life of such exemplary virtue and correctness. For it is in our lives,
and not from our words, that our religion must be judged. |
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese
wife.
Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese
house, and an American wife.
James H. Kabbler III
It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil.
If they
would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil
would die in his own tracks of ennui.
Helen Keller
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt
down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why God? Why me?"
and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about
you that pisses me off."
Stephen King
The only reason you are not yet a saint is because you do not wholly want to be one...
Peter Kreeft(?)
The fact is that far more crime and child abuse has been committed in the
name of God, Jesus, and Mohammed than has ever been committed in the name
of Satan. Many people don't like that statement, but few can argue with it.
Kenneth V. Lanning
Go to the truth beyond the mind. Love is the bridge.
Stephen Levine
When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.
Abraham Lincoln
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Joe Louis
So much in land and sky
For which they do not know the cause,
They think Divinities are working there.
If they could but see that
Nothing can be created from nothing,
Then they would advance one more step
Toward the answer that they seek:
Those eternal elements became
Everything that is,
Without interference from Gods.
Lucretius - On the nature of things, (De rerum natura) of 60 BCE
God tells Adam and Eve not to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of
good and evil. If this was the only way they could understand the difference
between good and evil, how could they have known that it was wrong to disobey
God and eat the fruit?
Laurie Lynn
Religious suffering is at one and the same time the expression of real suffering
and a protest against real suffering. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed
creature, the heart of a heartless world and the soul of soulless conditions.
It is the opium of the people.
The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is
the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions
about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires
illusions. The criticism of religion is therefore in embryo the criticism
of that vale of tears of which religion is the halo.
Karl Marx
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort
to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
H.L. Mencken
God listens to knee-mail.
Methodist Church of Valley Forge
In some awful, strange, paradoxical way, atheists tend to take religion more
seriously than the practitioners.
Jonathan Miller
The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr.
Mohammed
Religious belief is a fine guide around which a person might organize his
own life, but an awful instrument around which to organize someone else's
life.
Richard D. Mohr
Man cannot make a worm, yet he will make gods by the dozen.
Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
Religion and science both profess peace (and the sincerity of the professors
is not being doubted), but each always turns out to have a dominant part in
any war that is going or contemplated.
Howard Nemerov
Friedrich Nietzsche |
Which is it: Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's?
Woman was God's second mistake.
Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains....
But it can put mountains where there are none.
|
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben
My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.
Thomas Paine
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a
religious conviction.
Blaise Pascal
I think it's ironic that the only people who claim that humans are too advanced
to have evolved naturally are the ones who demonstrate the least advanced
mode of thinking.
John Petrie
Nirvana or lasting enlightenment or true spiritual growth can
be achieved only through persistent exercise of real love.
M. Scott Peck
When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or
any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals
are in doubt.
Robert M. Pirsig
| Pope John Paul II |
| Everybody that is just is called to form part of the
Kingdom of Heaven--whether they be Buddhas, Jews, or Atheists--as long
as they are good.
The worst prison is a closed heart. |
If you spent one-tenth of the time you devoted to distractions like chasing
women or making money to spiritual practice, you would be enlightened in a
few years.
Ramakrishna
When someone tells me that 'the Almighty told me to do this', I want to see
the transcript.
Fred Reed
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody
to thank.
Dante Rossetti
The idea that God is an oversized white male with a flowing beard who sits
in the sky and tallies the fall of every sparrow is ludicrous. But if by 'God'
one means the set of physical laws that govern the universe, then clearly
there is such a God. This God is emotionally unsatisfying...it does not make
much sense to pray to the law of gravity.
Carl Sagan
My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards
the universe and denies only gods fashioned by men in their
own image to be servants of their human interests.
George Santayana
They kill in the name of justice because they can't kill in the name of Christ.
Ian Schirmer
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced
that it says what he means.
George Bernard Shaw
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Fulton Sheen
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us
love one another.
Jonathan Swift
If two philosophers agree, one is not a philosopher.
If two saints disagree, one is not a saint.
Tibetan saying
There is a story, which is fairly well known, about when the missionaries
came to Africa.
They had the Bible and we, the natives, had the land.
They
said "Let us pray," and we dutifully shut our eyes.
When we opened
them, why, they now had the land and we had the Bible.
Desmond M. Tutu
Mark Twain |
In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in
almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from
authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue
but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions
about them were not worth a brass farthing.
Man is the religious animal. He is the only religious animal. He is
the only animal that has the True Religion –- several of them. He is
the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat,
if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe
in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness
and heaven.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common
humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Strange...a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet
preferred to make bad ones; who made them prize their bitter life, yet
stingily cut it short; mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied
seventy times seven and invented Hell; who mouths morals to other people
and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes yet commits them all; who
created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility
for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs,
upon himself; and finally with altogether divine obtuseness, invites
this poor, abused slave to worship him!
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly
teaches me to suspect that my own is also. |
Unknown |
A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber, and asks how much he owes him. The barber says "Father, you're a holy man of the cloth, I couldn't charge you, it's on the house. "The priest says, "Thanks you very much" and leaves. The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold coins.
A few day later, a Buddhist monk goes in for a shave and a shine, and when the time comes to pay the barber says, "No money, please, you're a spiritual leader, a man of the people, it's on the house." The next day. Magically appearing on the doorstep are 12 rubies.
The following week a rabbi comes in, gets a haircut, goes to pay, and the barber says, "No, Rabbi, you are a learned man, a wise man, I can't take any money from you, go in peace." And the next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 rabbis...
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers
that may never be questioned.
Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent and the serpent didn't have
a leg to stand on.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to
the garage makes you a car.
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church.
Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, Satan appears at the altar!!
Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence.
This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion,
and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
If God doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you.
God is love.
Love is blind.....
Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told.
Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.
The problem with fundamentalists insisting on a literal
interpretation of the Bible is that the meaning of words change. A prime
example is 'Spare the rod, spoil the child.' A rod was a stick used
by shepherds to guide their sheep to go in the desired direction. Shepherds
did not use it to beat their sheep. The proper translation of the saying
is 'Give your child guidance, or they will go astray.' It does not mean
'Beat the shit out of your child or he will become rotten' as many fundamentalist
parents seem to believe.
Lead me not into temptation.
I can find it myself.
Zen is not what you think!
Perhaps most people say their is no God simply because they would then
have to stop and think that what they are doing may be wrong.
Christians are quick to scoff at the absurdity of other religions when
most fail to realize they worship a book that contains talking snakes,
bushes and donkeys.
No one will judge you ever, for why and how, could God judge GOD's
own creation and call it bad?
It doesn't really make a difference what religion is right. What really
matters is the one I choose to believe in. Because that's the one that
helps me get through the day and back to my bed at night.
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
I do not pray that the devil will overlook me and attack someone else.
I pray that he loses sleep at night, pacing around his firery living
room, trying to think of a way extinguish my faith and silence me.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, hungry bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some 'religion!'"
The sky darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."
A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race..
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey..
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..
The local paper posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted!
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the papers read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is ....
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
A scientist approaches God, and says to Him, "Look, God, we don't need you anymore. Nowadays, we can do all sorts of things that used to be considered miraculous. We can transplant organs, giving new life to a dying man, we can cure almost any disease, and we can even clone animals. It won't be long, and we'll be able to clone humans, too. So, I'm sorry, but you are just outdated".
God listens patiently to the scientist and says, "I can see that you believe you don't need me, and I understand. However, I love you, and I don't want to see you make a big mistake, so why don't we make sure? I say we should have a man-making contest, just to be sure."
The scientist replies, "I'll take that challenge".
So, God says, "Ok, let's do it the way I did it in the old days, with Adam and Eve". The scientists says, "No problem", and reaches down to scoop up a handful of dirt.
"Whoa, hold on there a minute", God says. "You get your OWN dirt".
|
If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides.
Old Yiddish Proverb
Voltaire |
When it's a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.
If God did not exist it would be necessary for us to invent Him.
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord,
make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. (Possibly
from H.L. Mencken)
After all, it is no more surprising to be born twice than it is to
be born once. |
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
Steven Weinberg
This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. (Incorrect spelling has been left in.)
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles
7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, race of people who lived in Biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the East side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony |
A religious awakening, which does not awaken the sleeper to love, has roused
him in vain.
Jessamyn West
I must observe that people have a tendency to project onto a spiritual teacher all their own fantasies and expectations, this often leads to great disappointment, but in the converse a jerk is still a jerk no matter which culture he comes from.
Mitch White
Everything that we think God has in his mind necessarily proceeds from our
own mind; it is what we imagine to be in God’s mind, and it is really difficult
for human intelligence to guess at a divine intelligence. What we usually
end up with by this sort of reasoning is to make God the color-sergeant of
our army and to make Him as chauvinistic as ourselves.
Lin Yutang
See also this Impatient letter from God
Shit Happens, in various World Religions:
Taoism: Shit happens, go with the flow.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: Shit happening is the will of Allah.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens".
7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if you work harder.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it.
Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon,
and it won't happen to us.
Unitarian: What is this shit?
Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Pentacostalism: Praise the shit!
Atheism: There is no shit!
New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good if you
open your heart to it.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
